A roller coaster fortnight.

Cricket is unpredictable. We've seen that time and time again. The sport that we've dubbed the gentleman's game is in reality, a game made of paranoid schizophrenics, who can alter a game just like that *snaps a finger*. The last fortnight has seen that there is as much of madness off the field than there is on it.
Whether I should start writing about the madness off the field or the madness on it is debatable, but my love for the game prompts me to write about the on field antics.

First: test cricket could never have been more awesome. The first test between Australia and South Africa defined madness. Mayhem, chaos, clutter, crash, boom, bang, wallop and then suddenly like nothing, South Africa won by 8 wickets in the fourth innings, chasing 230-odd. It was like the reverse pitch effect. 1st day played like a 5th day and third day, the wicket had eased out. Imagine what would have happened had the match lasted five days. Either team would have chased 500-odd runs.

What still baffles me is that this is a two-match series. Quite tragic, in my opinion. However, given the way Australia is playing, I think that they're glad that it's a two-match series. Although I like the look of Patrick Cummins. He's young, he's raw and he's fast. India, beware. He's going to come at you and how.

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Speaking of Indian cricket, following the claims made by Lord Paul Codon about every team being involved in match fixing, Vinod Kambli decided to open his mouth and claim that there was something 'suspicious' about Mohammad Azharuddin opting to field in the semi-finals against Sri Lanka during the 1996 World Cup. 

Azhar, naturally, denied the rumours and all of us on Twitter, along with some of his teammates backed him and his decision to field. 

However, with Sharad Powar coming into the picture and criticising Kambli, I have some reservations about the match. Having said that, Vinod Kambli is an idiot. He wanted his five minutes of fame. Like a friend told me, he would probably have been broke and wanted some money for that sex change he so desperately needs. He got some money during Sach Ka Saamna, but maybe sex changes are way too expensive nowadays. 

Having said that, it will be interesting to see what the High Court decides regarding Azhar's alleged involvement. The majority believes that he's guilty, but we can only wait for the result to come out. 

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And now for the general belief that cricket is a boring sport. One of the guys that lived up to the sentiment, Basil D'Oliveira died at 80. I've never seen him play, but my sister has. She described his batting as 'more boring than paint drying up.' However, that kind of pissing off batting ensured that England didn't lose too many test matches. D'Oliveira was gutsy and had balls of steel, just like Peter Roebuck.

Roebuck's death saddened me. The allegations of sexual harassment pissed me off even more. Let's face it, a 26-year-old guy claiming that a 50-plus man forcefully buggered him makes no sense at all. It's like Arnold Schwarzenegger claiming that he got buggered by Hornswoggle

So my theory is that like Vinod Kambli, this guy wants his five minutes of fame as well. Maybe he can fund Kambli's sex change and both of them can live happily ever after. 

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And it's also Ranji Trophy time. I'm glad that Irfan is getting wickets and Harbhajan is not. Sadly, however, Harbhajan will go to Australia because they need someone with 'experience.' It doesn't matter if he bowls shit, but the experience matters. Personally, my 16-man squad for the side will include: Gambhir, Sehwag, Dravid, Tendulkar, Laxman, Kohli, Ranane, Dhoni (wk), Patel (wk), Ashwin, Ojha, Rohit Sharma, Yadav, Zaheer, Ishant and Irfan. 

Who will you pick? 

Ireland deserves to play in 2015

There have been two controversies that have come up during this World Cup: one speaks of the UDRS, which I'll probably write about some other time if I understand the rule book.
The other is the huge debate over the ICC choosing 10 teams to play the 2015 World Cup in Australia and New Zealand. It's raised a number of questions, with players like Ricky Ponting suggesting that the minnows shouldn't be playing with the 'big boys.'

When you think of Ireland and cricket, you say, "Yes,
they can!"

Normally World Cups have seen upsets, thanks to non-test playing nations. West Indies lost to Kenya in 1996. Kenya beat Sri Lanka in 2003. Canada beat Bangladesh in the same year. Ireland beat Pakistan and England in 2003 and 2007 respectively. Netherlands nearly beat England this year and if it wasn't for Afridi the other night, Canada might have just beaten Pakistan.
The last two games may have been won by England and Pakistan, but it shows us that a bunch of talented guys if given some direction, can rattle a strong opposition. Both Canada and The Netherlands stuck to their basics and played good cricket. Unfortunately for them, they weren't used to 50,000 people cheering on. Somewhere at some point of the game, the pressure undoubtedly got to most of them.
Ireland has managed to deal with the pressure. The reason for this is pretty simple, actually. Most Irish players are used to playing in front of crowds during the county season. It's not as big as a Bangalore crowd, but the players are used to playing with noise around them.
Another thing you've got to remember about the Irish is that they are the forefathers of the Australians. In an interview, former Formula One driver Eddie Irvine, an Irishman was asked why he had such a huge fan following in Australia. He replied, "Because Australia is full of Irish convicts."
The Australians probably got their fighting spirit from the Irish. They probably drink beer because of the Irish and since they're the best in the world in cricket, the Irish want to be as good as them because they are their forefathers.
The Irish are very realistic about their game. When asked in an interview a day after the England victory, Ireland batsman Niall O'Brien said that Ireland wasn't still ready to play test matches because cricketing infrastructure was poor in the country.
When you think of statements like these and look at the way the Irishmen have played their cricket, you wonder what a game between Ireland and Australia might look like. I'm sure that Australia will win, but the Irish game may make Ricky Ponting want to take back his words on the minnows. 

How English is the English team?

I'm happy for England. I really am. How many teams can boast of going to Australia and beating them on their home turf this decade?
Only South Africa managed to do that two years ago.
But then, when you look at it, out of the current playing XI in England, four are South Africans.
My brother came up with this theory and I think that it's a very valid point. Andrew Strauss, Kevin Pietersen, Matt Prior and Jonathan Trott, four key players in the English side are South Africans. They're not the type like Monty, who lived in England for all his life, and then got an England cap. These guys are players, who were rejected by South Africa for not being 'good enough', went to England, got citizenship and are now playing for their adopted nation.
If we go by that theory, we should take an entire lot of fast bowlers from Pakistan - given the chaotic scene in their cricketing world, give them passports and Indian citizenship and let them spearhead India's fast bowling attack. Hell it'll do wonders to us.

South African Andrew Strauss, who captains England
smiles as he looks at the reclaimed Ashes

I'm not taking anything away from England. The side has played cricket that makes me love the game even more. They have been aggressive, always at the opposition and just gone and if I were to use a word: fucked Australia in every department of the game.
My only question is how English a victory is it? Four South African players, a Zimbabwean coach, a South African great as your former bowling coach doesn't make it too English, does it? Hopefully, by the next Ashes, if someone reads this post and flames me, they would have a full-strength English side that is ready to actually beat Australia

From the failed ballad to a rock concert

When India played Australia in the T20 Cup, they looked like they were going to die because of the fast bowling.
I don't blame the side. You have Dirk Nannes, Shaun Tait and Mitchell Johnson bowling at 150 k at your head, despite a helmet most modern-day cricketers would be scared.
But then came Rohit Sharma and batted like it was net practice.
He made 79 awesome runs, which Uncle J-Rod calls the Ballad of Rohit Sharma.
The ballad continued the other day against Zimbabwe.
No offence to the Zimbabweans, but if Rohit's ballad against Australia was Bridge Over Troubled Water, then the ballad against Zimbabwe was as bad as Unbreak My Heart.
India should not have lost that match. It was cuntish, overconfident  behavior that cost us the game.
However, today, Sharma changed the ballad into a sizzling rock star performance.
I call the performance Shoot To Thrill  

Clark and Watson win it for awesome England

So England are the World T20 champions.

I think they deserve it and I'm really happy that they won it.

But they owe the victory to Michael Clark for batting the way he did.

They owe Michael Clark for running out Dave Warner at the beginning of the innings. 

Clark was batting like an idiot and was woefully out of form. TestMatchSofa announced that he should have been renamed to Inzamam-Ul-Clarke. In Inzamam's defense, he can hit the ball and is an awesome batsman despite the fact that he's obese and was cult leader of Pakistan's religious sect in cricket. This sect for a time, insisted that only fanatics could play for the team.

Again it was left to a Hussey to save Australia.

This time, younger brother David took up the responsibility.

He was ably aided by Cameron White (again) and big brother Michael (Oh no! Not him again)  

I thought that the way Nannes and Tait bowled at the beginning, Australia might just win it.

Craig Keiswetter had other ideas and tried to smash everything he saw.

While he looked like a jackass in certain parts of the innings, he hit out and was effective. 

He looked like a jackass when he got out.

Pietersen continued his form.

And it was awesome that Collingwood finished it off. 

Oh yeah, along with Michael Clark, Shane Watson deserves some mention for bowling absolute shit.

But here's a question: if this is the first coalition since the World War, how long will it take England to win its next title?
And my condolences are with Uncle Jarrod. England probably read www.cricketwithballs.com before the match began.
Of course, more than the English, I see the Pakistanis, who have settled in the United Kingdom celebrating tonight's victory.
The English fans will probably be thinking of the next club game. Fucking soccer 

Previews and predictions

So it's a T20 Ashes tomorrow.
Both teams despite being juggernauts in the tournament, have had their obstacles.
In a group match, England struggled against Ireland.
And in the semis, it was only thanks to Hussey that Australia reached the finals.
England's had a dream run up to now and Australia were slightly jolted on Friday. So knowing them, they'll raise their game in this match.
It doesn't help England's cause that it's a final, but in their defense, they have been playing some fantastic cricket off late. And as Uncle JRod said, KP is donning the role of the elder statesman. For England's sake, I hope that he doesn't become the retarded batsman that he usually is.
The bowlers are bowling well and Swann is their trump card tomorrow.
For Australia, it's about Shane Watson. He's always been a big match player and I feel that tomorrow will be no different. Hussey can't repeat his heroics. That freak of nature happens once in a lifetime. It's like the Hrishikesh Kanitkar four in the Independence Cup at Dhaka in 1998, or (although I hate to mention it) Javed Miandad hitting Chetan Sharma for a last ball six at Sharjah in 1985 (Chetan should be shot for that one. Who the hell told him to bowl Miandad a full toss)
At the end of it, I want England to win this one (that in itself is a first for me), but I feel that the Aussies will take another title home.  After all, they wanted to prove to the world that they have cracked this form of the game at last
For the sake of all of us, I just hope that it isn't a one-sided final. That will be really pissing off.

The curious case of Pakistani cricket

So, the Pakistani team fucked us over.
After playing terrible cricket in the initial stage of the tournament, they are now in the semifinals against Australia.
It was something India didn't expect at all.
Team India probably thought that Pakistan, like them, took Aman Ki Asha seriously.
But Shahid and his band of merry men aren't stupid, although they pretend to be. Hell, they won everything last year. This year, despite people writing them off, they kicked South Africa out of the tournament. Before that, they were out as well.
Suddenly, they're in the semis.
While the cricketing world is predicting an Ashes final, I wouldn't rule Pakistan out at all.
You can't rule Pakistan out; in fact, you can never rule Pakistan out. Even if the PCB handpicks 11 random guys with raw talent from the street and gives them a Pakistan cap, they can never be ruled out.
In fact, when there are 11 new random names, they would be a deadlier unit.
So, Australia, get your game in place tomorrow. Your pace attack might suddenly not look so effective and your batting might collapse thanks to some random Pakistani bowling.
You have been warned

Australia have cracked the T20 format

In the first T20 World Cup, Australia looked out of sorts.
They never adapted to the shortest form of the game, the same way India and Pakistan had.
Last year, they decided to have a couple of spinners, along with Brett Lee, Nathan Bracken and Mitchell Johnson. It was a good ploy, but unfortunately for them not good enough. They were getting the hang of the format, but not consistent enough.
This year, they have adopted a four-man pace attack and it has worked.
They probably teased everyone in the warm-up game by losing to Zimbabwe. It has always been a plot that they have followed.
In 1974, when Dennis Lillee was making his comeback in the test match that shot Jeff Thompson to superstardom, Lillee was bowling military medium pace at the practice grounds. Similar tricks have been employed by the Australians in future series. The warm-up game was just another example.
India wasn't the only one to be brutalized by the four fast men. Sri Lanka got buggered last night.
In a way it's good for India. According to one of the tweets I read, Australia had to beat Sri Lanka to let India have a chance of qualifying.
It would also do India a world of good if the BCCI payed the next team India is scheduled to play to forfeit and let India qualify.
Since it is Sri Lanka, we have to find a way of tackling Malinga. Maybe Zaheer could take Malinga out for a drink and tell his Mumbai Indians bowling partner to bowl like him for this one game.
Similarly, Yuvraj can finally put himself to use and take Mahela and Sanga for an all-night party before the game. Yuvraj isn't going to make runs anyway, but this way, neither will Mahi and Sanga.
Hopefully, however, Australia's pace attack destroys everyone else to prove that India is not the only side in the world that is genuinely fucked up against fast bowling.