The Subcontinent syndrome

Sri Lanka is a good side. I'll go on to say that they're the best ODI side in the subcontinent.
Unfortunately, that doesn't say much about their cricketing ability.
Like other teams in the subcontinent, there is a lot of dependence on two or three players. If those guys make a mess, the team crumbles.
If I'm not convincing, here are a few examples:
In the 90s, Sri Lanka depended on two batsmen: Sanath Jayasuriya and Arvinda de Silva. If either one of them failed, the other would make runs (see Eden Gardens 1996 semi-finals at the World Cup). If both failed, then Sri Lanka was screwed.
Note: At that time, Murali was still discovering that he was a freak of nature.
Move to the current scenario. Sri Lanka's openers are strictly okay. Tilakratne Dilshan is an attacking player, as is Upul Tiranga. However, if you take away Dilshan's subcontinent record, barring South Africa, he has struggled elsewhere. He averages 22 in Australia, 10.33 in England, 26 in New Zealand and 36 against West Indies. South Africa is a more impressive 64. However, this shows that he is inconsistent.
Sri Lanka still depend a lot on Kumar Sangakkara and Mahela Jayawardene. If they fail, the rest of the team fails. In today's game against New Zealand, had the two of them not made a century and half century respectively, the rest of Sri Lanka scored 69 runs.
Sri Lanka also still depend a lot on Murali. Although he is playing his last ODI series, he is a key bowler in their team. Lasith Malinga is also a valuable asset to have, but he's like a very non-controversial Shoaib Akhtar. He can be brilliant on one day and very ordinary on the next. Like Shoaib, he too has the makings of one of the greatest ever - only if he is consistent.
My point is that had Sri Lanka had not have players in the calibre of Muralitharan, Jayawardene and Sangakkara, the chances of exposing a weak spot would have been done even my a minnow side.
I think that this over-dependence by teams in the subcontinent. India had it on Tendulkar then and Zaheer now. Pakistan has depended on Wasim, Waqar and Inzi when they need help, which is probably one of the main reasons why the team is so mercurial.
In Sri Lanka's favour, however, the experts publically announce the fragile batting and bowling if Sangakkara, Jayawardene, Murli and Malinga are absent from the team. For India and Pakistan, nobody says it too often. They just keep saying India's strong batting lineup and poor bowling lineup. Yeah, the bowling is weak, but the batsmen don't exactly make you want to jump with joy either (remember 9/29 against South Africa and another collapse against England?).
If India, Pakistan and Sri Lanka want to be consistent, they should remember that cricket is a game about 11 and not about a few brilliant performances here and there. 

Here's to a cricket orgy!

For the moment, England are safe, but not quite.
My personal theory is that if they qualify for the quarterfinals, they will reach the finals. They've gone through too much crap during this tournament.
While a lot of people compare this to how Pakistan played in 1992, I'm thinking more of how Australia was in 1999. Erratic in the beginning and then suddenly playing like a team possessed. England already has the tie and now it's up to them to redo what they did in the Ashes.
However, despite winning this match, they haven't qualified as yet.
They depend a lot on Bangladesh's game agains South Africa and since England is full of South Africans, the Barmy Army will have no hangups going to Dhaka to cheer the South Africans for a day. It's not going to match up with 60,000 Bangladeshis, but it'll be a fairly loud crowd.
Bangladesh need to beat South Africa. They've done it before. And in a World Cup. So South Africa, who have played really good cricket so far, will be on their guard. They will have the returning Imran Tahir and AB de Villiers at their disposal, so this makes the task tougher for Bangladesh.
So going by what the tables look right now, our quarterfinal encounters would look like this (this means that Bangladesh don't qualify)
1) Australia Vs West Indies
2) New Zealand Vs England
3) Pakistan Vs India
4) Sri Lanka Vs South Africa

While the first game looks pretty one sided, I don't think so. West Indies have played good cricket and Australia has struggled. Having said that, they've known to be cock teases in previous World Cup events and come out of nowhere to destroy their opposition.
While the third game is full of emotion for every Indian and Pakistani cricket fan, I'm more excited to see game 2 and game 4 because the teams have played good ODI cricket against each other and we're all set for some great games.
Now, for whatever it's worth, if Bangladesh manages to qualify, we could see a Bangladeshi semifinal. Remember, they did beat NZ 4-0 recently.
So now that the initial foreplay's over, next week's all set for the big orgy. Let's hope it's not one-sided! 

Goodbye, Shoaib

Shoaib Akhtar: Completely brainless, but
brilliant on his day

 

My first memory of Shoaib Akhtar is at the Eden Gardens. India was playing Pakistan during the Asian Test Championships. Sanjay Manjeraker was in the commentary box when Shoaib was brought on as first change after Wasim Akram and Waqar Younis had finished their initial spell. Shoaib's card read: Shoaib Akhtar, Age 23, Right Arm Fast Medium. Manjrekar said, "That's wrong. I saw this guy in South Africa. Fast medium is incorrect. This guy has raw pace, mark my words."
I don't think anyone will remember what Manjrekar said, but Shoaib will be remembered for clean bowling Rahul Dravid and Sachin Tendulkar of successive balls and the world said that he is the next big thing.
Shoaib has had bursts of brilliance after this match. His spell in Australia where he got the Waugh twins and Ricky Ponting in one over is considered one of the best spells of fast bowling ever. There was this spell against New Zealand where he picked up six wickets for 11 runs. I cannot remember the match, but Shoaib has been a matchwinner several times for Pakistan.
Unfortunately Shoaib's biggest problem was himself. He was plagued by injuries for a major part of his career; people thought that he played for himself rather than the team and he was considered a poor fielder. Shoaib for his part defended himself on most occasions saying that he was a victim of circumstances and politics in Pakistan cricket. We can't even blame him there. Pakistan's cricket policy unfortunately makes the BCCI look intelligent. There was a phase in the middle where religion played an important role in the selection of the Pakistani squad. Rumours were that you had to pray five times a day and that 'Allah would grace you and improve the quality of Pakistani cricket.' Shoeb thought it was bollocks and wasn't selected.
Then there was the infamous case where the PCB said that he couldn't play because he had genital warts. When I read it, I laugh because it's ludicrous that someone would publicly announce that. But that's the PCB for you.
The tragedy about Shoaib is that he could have been the world's greatest fast bowler. He was brilliant on days and could destroy anyone with that yorker of his. I remember reading about him before I actually saw him bowl. He had made his debut against South Africa and Wasim Akram hadn't said much about him. It was almost like a surprise for the opposition. He came and bowled some of the fastest stuff and completely destroyed Darryl Cullinan, a really good player of fast bowling. The newspaper report said that Cullinan's leg stump had been uprooted.
At the end of the day, I'll say that I'll miss Shoaib. He'll still be in the news for his brainless acts. Hell, I see him in jail for something too. But that's not the point. Cricket won't be as exciting and I'll never ever get to see a Sachin-Shoaib or Sehwag-Shoaib event again. 

The need for a fast bowling role model

India has never had a fast bowling role model.
Sure there was Kapil, but he was medium fast and depended more on swing than pace to deceive the batsman.

Although Kapil is a legend, Imran was more of a role model
because being a fast bowler is cooler than being a swing
bowler

Srinath was Indian's only famous quick new ball bowler. Historians will talk about Amar Singh and the pace he generated when he played against England.
I never saw Amar Singh, so I cannot comment on him. Also the guy died in his late 20s or early 30s. I don't remember the exact age.
So where does that leave India?
Kapil has left a legacy behind him. A lot of kids wanted to become good swing bowlers. They were guys who bowled at a pace between 125-135 km/h, but swung the ball a lot, which gave them success.
Srinath was different. He banged the ball in short and generated a lot of pace off the wicket. He learnt the guile of being a fast bowler towards the end of his career.
Srinath was one of the best fast bowlers that I have seen. Very underrated, but effective. Unfortunately for him, he didn't have that legend status that Kapil had, which prompted kids not to look up to him.
My brother and I had this discussion this morning as to whether Pakistan had any fast bowler before Imran Khan. We're sure that they did, but there isn't a name that we can think of and say loud.

Wasim and Waqar are role models for wannabe Indian
and Pakistani fast bowlers

Imran was Pakistan's greatest gift at that time. He had an abled partner in Sarfraz Nawaz. Wasim and Waqar idolized Imran and wanted to be like him. And funnily, kids in India and Pakistan, who want to be fast bowlers say that they would like to bowl like Wasim and Waqar.
Wasim and Waqar are the best bowling combination that I've seen. I've seen another great pair at that time and that was Ambrose and Walsh, but the Pakistani duo could change a match with a snap of their fingers, which is why they're slightly higher. They have great averages, great strike rates and the quality that draws people to them: they are good students of the game, which makes them great teachers. They learnt a lot from Imran, who was one of the best students of the game. And whether you like them or hate them, you cannot deny their contribution to the game.
It's a pity that India never had these guys as mentors. Sure Kapil's done his bit, but unfortunately for the old cricket fan, it's not about the swing. Pace is cooler. Only as they grow older, as Zaheer Khan has discovered, that they use swing and guile to master the art of fast bowling 

The Problem with Umar Gul

I like Umar Gul a lot.
He's fast, accurate and can swing the ball both ways. He's consistent, economical and usually keeps a low profile.
That's also my problem with him.

The qualities are exempolary, but Umar has a problem, which is why he's a misfit.
He's got all these qualities being a Pakistani player.
Now I'm sure there are a lot of Pakistanis reading this blog, who would be ready to swear at me on my twitter timeline, but if you guys give me reason to explain myself, I shall.
I read this article in this morning's Indian Express about Umar Gul. While I agree with what the writer said, Umar is the black sheep in a Pakistani side dominated by a bunch of mad men. Check the video out to see what they're capable of

And I mean mad men in the nicest possible way.
The reason why I love watching Pakistan play is because the guys are a bunch of crack heads. They will play like Gods for 10 minutes and play like shit in the other 10, making you wonder if this is the same side you saw. Let me illustrate this with some examples
Example 1: One day, Shoaib will bowl 99 mph inswingers and break your toes. The same guy will bowl a full toss on leg stump to Ross Taylor and get hit for 28 runs in an over.

Inzamam ran like an 'elephant'
and caught like a 'gazelle'

Example 2: Inzamam Ul Haq will run between the wickets with another guy. He will run the other guy out and end up running himself out. Then while fielding at slip, he'll fly like a gazelle and catch a ball that looked impossible to take. I remember one match where he actually did this and Geoff Boycott, who was in the commentary box at that time said, "That's Inzamam for you. Runs like an elephant; catches like a gazelle."
Example 3: The Pakistani spinner is a madman. Take a look at them over history. I've seen Abdul Qadir, Saqualin Mushtaq, Mushtaq Ahmed, Danesh Kaneria and now - although he plays for South Africa - Imran Tahir. All these guys have a mad glint in their eyes and have a fast bowler's run-up. If you look at Shane Warne or a Harbhajan Singh or an Anil Kumble or even a Muttaiah Muralitharan, it was either a jog or a walk. These guys charge at you as if they're going to take your head off.
And then there is Umar Gul. It's a pity that he doesn't have the madness about him. It's probably the main reason why he will always be Pakistan's second best, even if he is the best at that time

Cricket songs and all that jazz...

 

 

  

Take a look at these two videos. The first one, De Ghuma Ke is the official World Cup song. I see it and want to kill someone because it's played 20 times a day.
The second song is a video created by some guy in Pakistan to boost Pakistan's ego for the World Cup. My boss sent it to me this morning. The video stars some chick called Kiran Khan, who tries to look like Michael Jackson, but looks more masculine than he does. The singer is some guy called Asif Shah, who needed his 5 minutes of fame. Youtube gave it to him, methinks.
The lyrics of the song go something like this:

Boom Boom World Cup, Cricket Cup World Cup
Boom Boom World Cup, Cricket Cup World Cup
Chick sings: ICC, Oh, ICC

 Unfortunately, I'm not even making this up. Check the video if you don't believe me.

When I see videos like these and De Ghuma Ke, I think that I should write my own World Cup song. We could always spoof De Ghuma Ke by saying Ma Ch**da Ke, but that would be too cliched.

So if we're to write a cricket song, we could always do what MAD magazine did for its cricket spoof in the 80s. It was a brilliant one, with a verse dedicated to how the English batsmen were getting raped by the West Indies. Fortunately, I had the copy of the magazine with me. I've attached an excerpt of it here. If you guys want to read the actual thing, just write me a note and I'll scan the entire thing over the weekend or something

But yeah, my primary focus was songs. I know the rest of the world is ranting about how India played the other night, but I'm pretty sick of that right now. Okay we screwed up, but the optimist in me says that we've been known to play shittier cricket.

Personally, I think that the last two World Cups have been rubbish. I probably will attribute this to the fact that both of them had theme songs. Hell, after checking out that Asif Shah and Kiran Khan video, I think that I can write something better. It'll be offensive as hell, but it'll do its job.
So I'm going to try something in the lines of an Irish Drinking Song from Whose Line Is It Anyway?

The World Cup's here again,
Hip Hip Hurray
The TV sets are playing
A song called De Ghuma Ke 

It is really funky
But there is a catch
We hear the song all the time
500 times before a match 

Then the players come to play
The crowd begins to cheer
The ball gets hit for fours and sixes
The home is supported and opponents jeered

Then Chawla comes to bowl
The crowd begins to sigh
Dhoni says, fuck it and gives the ball to Nehra
And the crowd begins to cry

India isn't the only host
It's Sri Lanka as well
Bangladesh gets is maiden call
And beggers are sent to hell 

Then there is a tied match
And Ireland fulfils a dream,
Then Akmal drops 3 catches,
And Pakistani bowlers are creamed
Now we've got three weeks left
To the finals in Mumbai
It's difficult to place a bet
To tell who'll take the cup away

Does India have a chance?
Personally I say no
I'll still watch the game though
Because I'm a cricket whore... 

 

 

 

A worthy reply

A friend of mine replied by email to the India-South Africa match report that I wrote. The mail was so awesome that I had to put it up here.
For the record, he is a psychiatrist who loves photography and you can check out his blog here: http://lensored.blogspot.com/
And here is his reply

Read your piece on the India-SA fuckup - excellent writing, but I feel compelled to provide an alternate viewpoint.

Let me be clear first up - I broke up with cricket a decade ago. Far too many games, far too little drama - even excellence got predictable.

Then I moved to the US, and cricket became harder to come by. I started following baseball and American football instead and developed an unhealthy affection for the Boston Red Sox - a star crossed team for 86 years. Then in my second year as a fan, they overcame 86 years of adversity and won the World Series! That remains the second greatest of my sports-fan life and the greatest moment where I clearly remember all details. The greatest remains the 83 cup - I was 5 then and a lot of memories of it are hazy, though I remember standing on Annie Besant road, outside my grandmas house and cheering as the team bus drove by, Prudential Cup on proud display next to the driver, and Kapil standing behind it, waving through the windscreen. This is one of my earliest memories. That was a time when India dominated cricket. The Asia Cup and Shastri's Audi and Champion of Champions title also helped. Then, as I grew up, the losses started to pile up. Futility in Sharjah, the Rise of Miandad, PAkistans 1992 Cup win - all added to a general disillusionment. Intermediate highs like the Titan Cup and some individual records helped, but it wasn't true Glory! My feeling of self-worth was defined by the fact that in the end we were former World Champions. Over the decade, I've broken up with cricket - I no longer know all players on all teams, and have followed only from a distance the rise of all our 'next big things' (including Dhoni, Raina, Irfan, Munaf and Yusuf). One the other hand I know everything that David Ortiz, Josh Beckett and Tom Brady have done.

Ultimately though, I have realized that these were rebound relationships - albeit happy ones that will probably last.

Truth is, I am once again waking up at 1.30 am to watch India play Holland, now that I have the opportunity to watch. Truth is, I again bite my nails when Sachin hits the 90s. I am again waiting to hear eagerly about Pakistan's collapse...and again, I am developing severe apprehension about running into Pakistan in the elimination rounds.

And the instant return of all those dysfunctional symptoms has led me to realize an important fact...and this is where I disagree with you.

You say that cricket is my whore, when in fact it is the exact opposite situation.

Cricket is not my whore...I am its bitch!