The joys of colonisation

I met a friend of my sister's today and we discussed this article that I had written for Mid-Day a couple of weeks ago. He had a very interesting to point to make. England's best batsmen are South African, as is their captain. Though Strauss may hold a British passport, he is South African by birth. So here's the argument that this guy put forth: the England team's batsmen are not English, while the bowlers are from England or are South Asian.
When you go back to the evolution of cricket, the Lords and the rich were the batsmen, while the poor and the servants were the bowlers and fielders. When Douglas Jardine captained England during the Bodyline series, he was a lord, while Harold Larwood was a coal miner's son. (Larwood also spent some of his time as a night watchman somewhere after his career). The last blue blooded Briton to lead England was David Gower. Before that, you had Mike Brearly a genius captain, but crap batsman leading an Ian Botham and making his career. Also when you think back to England and its captains, barring Ray Illingworth and Bob Willis, everyone has been a batsman (Botham and Flintoff were all-rounders).
Today, it's been a reversal of sorts for England. The batsmen are not from the country, while the bowlers are Britons. Morgan is Irish, while Trott, Prior, Pietersen and Strauss are South Africans. So going by England's hierarchical system, which is still seen today, has South Africa become England's ruler?
Earlier, it was South Asia ruling England when Nasser Hussain was captain. There were players like Mark Ramprakash, Monty Pannesar, Uzman Afzal and more recently, Ravi Bopara.
So with the colonised coming and colonising England, where do the Britons stand? In their defense, we can say that if England lose now we can say they choked because most of them are South Africans and they can also add that they snatched defeat from the jaws of victory, which India and Pakistan have specialised in.

How English is the English team?

I'm happy for England. I really am. How many teams can boast of going to Australia and beating them on their home turf this decade?
Only South Africa managed to do that two years ago.
But then, when you look at it, out of the current playing XI in England, four are South Africans.
My brother came up with this theory and I think that it's a very valid point. Andrew Strauss, Kevin Pietersen, Matt Prior and Jonathan Trott, four key players in the English side are South Africans. They're not the type like Monty, who lived in England for all his life, and then got an England cap. These guys are players, who were rejected by South Africa for not being 'good enough', went to England, got citizenship and are now playing for their adopted nation.
If we go by that theory, we should take an entire lot of fast bowlers from Pakistan - given the chaotic scene in their cricketing world, give them passports and Indian citizenship and let them spearhead India's fast bowling attack. Hell it'll do wonders to us.

South African Andrew Strauss, who captains England
smiles as he looks at the reclaimed Ashes

I'm not taking anything away from England. The side has played cricket that makes me love the game even more. They have been aggressive, always at the opposition and just gone and if I were to use a word: fucked Australia in every department of the game.
My only question is how English a victory is it? Four South African players, a Zimbabwean coach, a South African great as your former bowling coach doesn't make it too English, does it? Hopefully, by the next Ashes, if someone reads this post and flames me, they would have a full-strength English side that is ready to actually beat Australia

Rankings and test cricket

A lot of people are calling it India's final frontier.
Ever since the Indian cricket team were ranked number 1 by the ICC, the expectations have obviously gone higher.
One thing that I have noticed about the present Indian side is that they are slow starters. Ever since they got the number 1 ranking, they have lost most of the first test matches of the series in the last one year. The one against Australia at Mohali was almost a loss, if it weren't for Laxman and Ishant's heroics at the end. They got rammed by South Africa last year at Ahmedabad and it was a similar case against Sri Lanka, when we toured earlier this year. The first two matches against New Zealand were boring draws, before the Nagpur match turned things around for them.
So where does this leave them in the series against South Africa?
South Africa themselves haven't been doing too great. They drew with a Pakistani team that is desperately hoping that they don't get banned from the international cricket arena; earlier in the year, they drew with an English side that seems to be getting better by the day and they drew with India in India. It's nothing to write home about, but funnily these two sides are ranked one and two by the International Cricket Council.
England on the other hand are actually playing like a number 1 side. They have been consistently good; have been playing competitive cricket and are no longer the whiners that they were. It's almost like role reversal when I see them in the Ashes today.
Cricket today is viewed in a different way. It's more about the T20, as Chris Gayle said, which is unfortunate. Thankfully, you still have packed stadiums during an England and Australia match and Indians have colonized the world, so even if India were playing Zimbabwe in a test match tomorrow, there would be a decent crowd present.
I'm looking forward to this test series. India's fast bowlers have always done well abroad. Hell, someone like Venkatesh Prasad managed a 10 wicket haul against South Africa in 1997, so it'll be no surprise (unless of course, they decide to bowl like shit) that these guys do well.
My only concern is about the batsmen. They've done well in Australia, England and NZ, but South Africa has always been a problem. Hopefully, they rectify this problem.
As for England, let's just hope that there is a time that they have a test tri series between England, India and South Africa before the rankings take a whole new turn.

The Australian Phoenix

We're two test matches down in the Ashes and England has the psychological advantage going into the third test.
England have been playing really good cricket off late. They drew a series in South Africa; they did well against Pakistan at home and they even won their first international tournament in the form of the T20 World Cup in the Caribbean.

Although this may be the end of Ponting's career, Australia
will be back to the top of the summit sooner than later

Australia on the other hand have been on a downward spiral. Several of their best players retired at the same time, making their shoes hard to fill. Their captain is woefully out of form and their vice captain is batting like a cunt. Even that 80 was a piece of shit innings. He has batted better than that and he knows it. Hussey is doing a good job in the middle, but he needs to convert those 50s into larger scores.
The bowling is rubbish.
Siddle is good in bursts; Harris is good, but very unlucky; Johnson and Bollinger are inconsistent; Watson is a bits and pieces bowler and batsman, come to think of it and there is nobody in the side as a specialist spinner.
I heard someone tell me today that this is like the decline of the great West Indies.
But I disagree.
Australia may be playing like crap now, but they've always been a side to rise from the Ashes. I still maintain that they have a chance of reaching the final four of the 2011 World Cup in the subcontinent. I will not rule them out of anything.
Let's face it: I watch cricket because of this side and the way they've played the game over the years. They've played it tough. Yes, it's been dirty at times, but it's been tough cricket. They never say die and although they may lose this tournament and Ricky Ponting, in the process, they'll be back on the top of their game by 2015, if not earlier.

Pakistan needs help

Like the Joker, the Pakistani team doesn't
have a plan. It's just plain chaos!

Currently Pakistan is playing like we did in the 90s.
Test cricket is about playing in sessions, they say. Pakistan plays like a team possessed in one session. They have a pace attack which I believe is the best in the world right now. Their bowling today is what Ambrose and Walsh were when West Indies started declining as a side.
But the batting is rubbish. It's even worse than the West Indies batting. At least they had Lara, who could do awesome things sometimes.
But these guys need a lot of working to do. They nearly killed the match against Australia and managed to win by three wickets at the end.
I thought that they would repeat a Sydney or a Sri Lanka in that test match, but they managed to survive.
Not in this one though.
It's sad because you have a side that bowls brilliantly and the batsmen throw their wickets away and make a mess of themselves.
What's different from the way we played and the way Pakistan plays now? At that time, we would play badly in all the sessions of a test match, so the whole world knew that we would invariably lose. Here, there is a shimmer of hope for Pakistan when their bowlers bowl like that. Unfortunately for them, the batting is too weak. Quite the opposite of the present Indian team that has a very impotent bowling lineup.
My brother and I were having a discussion when England collapsed in their first inning. He asked me, "How much do you think Pakistan will make?"
"77!" I said.
He laughed and said that they'll make less than 200
"We were laughing today about how they made less than 250 in the entire match!"
They're in need of help. Maybe Inzy should come out of retirement and take over the middle order.
Pakistani cricket is in shambles. It's crazy and it's retarded.
It's probably why I like watching them play.
They're like the Joker. There is no plan. Only Chaos!

Good on Bangladesh

I like this English side.
Although they started poorly and are playing against bottom three lowest ranked test teams, they haven't taken their opposition for granted.
Unlike the Indian side, whose players deserve to be walloped.
They scored 505 on a fairly shitty wicket at Lords.
But Bangladesh fought back. And they've done a good job of fighting back.
I know it's day 3 of a test match and a lot can happen over a session.
I am also aware that the Bangladeshi side is known for batting collapses after showing that they are capable of playing with the best sides in the world.
But they need to convert these brilliant bursts of cricket to something more relevant, if they are to have results in their favour.
Right now, they are three wickets down, but I hope they reach a score where they don't follow-on.
England, of course, are living off their T20 high and have done the transition from T20 to test cricket quite well.
And yes, in Bangladesh's defense, they had a good home series against England, although they lost. They fought and could have won one of the test matches.
India, on the other hand, need to grow some balls and need to stop being aggressive.

Clark and Watson win it for awesome England

So England are the World T20 champions.

I think they deserve it and I'm really happy that they won it.

But they owe the victory to Michael Clark for batting the way he did.

They owe Michael Clark for running out Dave Warner at the beginning of the innings. 

Clark was batting like an idiot and was woefully out of form. TestMatchSofa announced that he should have been renamed to Inzamam-Ul-Clarke. In Inzamam's defense, he can hit the ball and is an awesome batsman despite the fact that he's obese and was cult leader of Pakistan's religious sect in cricket. This sect for a time, insisted that only fanatics could play for the team.

Again it was left to a Hussey to save Australia.

This time, younger brother David took up the responsibility.

He was ably aided by Cameron White (again) and big brother Michael (Oh no! Not him again)  

I thought that the way Nannes and Tait bowled at the beginning, Australia might just win it.

Craig Keiswetter had other ideas and tried to smash everything he saw.

While he looked like a jackass in certain parts of the innings, he hit out and was effective. 

He looked like a jackass when he got out.

Pietersen continued his form.

And it was awesome that Collingwood finished it off. 

Oh yeah, along with Michael Clark, Shane Watson deserves some mention for bowling absolute shit.

But here's a question: if this is the first coalition since the World War, how long will it take England to win its next title?
And my condolences are with Uncle Jarrod. England probably read www.cricketwithballs.com before the match began.
Of course, more than the English, I see the Pakistanis, who have settled in the United Kingdom celebrating tonight's victory.
The English fans will probably be thinking of the next club game. Fucking soccer 

Previews and predictions

So it's a T20 Ashes tomorrow.
Both teams despite being juggernauts in the tournament, have had their obstacles.
In a group match, England struggled against Ireland.
And in the semis, it was only thanks to Hussey that Australia reached the finals.
England's had a dream run up to now and Australia were slightly jolted on Friday. So knowing them, they'll raise their game in this match.
It doesn't help England's cause that it's a final, but in their defense, they have been playing some fantastic cricket off late. And as Uncle JRod said, KP is donning the role of the elder statesman. For England's sake, I hope that he doesn't become the retarded batsman that he usually is.
The bowlers are bowling well and Swann is their trump card tomorrow.
For Australia, it's about Shane Watson. He's always been a big match player and I feel that tomorrow will be no different. Hussey can't repeat his heroics. That freak of nature happens once in a lifetime. It's like the Hrishikesh Kanitkar four in the Independence Cup at Dhaka in 1998, or (although I hate to mention it) Javed Miandad hitting Chetan Sharma for a last ball six at Sharjah in 1985 (Chetan should be shot for that one. Who the hell told him to bowl Miandad a full toss)
At the end of it, I want England to win this one (that in itself is a first for me), but I feel that the Aussies will take another title home.  After all, they wanted to prove to the world that they have cracked this form of the game at last
For the sake of all of us, I just hope that it isn't a one-sided final. That will be really pissing off.

Paul Collingwood: The unsung hero

As an Indian, people would expect me to speak of Sachin, Sehwag or Dravid in an opening blog piece.
However, I'm starting off with a piece on Paul Collingwood.
You'd wonder why I'm doing something like this, considering that Paul Collingwood's popularity in India is non-existent. You tell an Indian fan that you like him and they say, 'Why?'
Well, the answer is simple: When I saw him take a catch to dismiss Matthew Hayden in a one-day international a few years ago, I nearly wet myself.
Then he became captain and like Michael Vaughan, he was laid-back, yet very effective. He had a very Australian-like fighting spirit in him. This spirit, of course, gave England the CB Series a few years ago.
When I see England do well in this year's T20, I have mixed emotions. Mixed because I've never been a supporter of the English cricket side.. But with Collingwood leading the side (No offence to Andrew Strauss), I hope that they do well in this tournament.