We will all go together when we go

If I had put money yesterday, I would have been a millionaire. I had told people at work that New Zealand would win this game. Aakash Chopra in his Twitter handle asked about the chance of an upset. I replied saying, New Zealand know how to beat South Africa. They've done it twice in previous World Cups.

 But this isn't about the New Zealand victory. It's about the South African loss. I'm not too sure what they were thinking when they batted. I was looking at the hightlights today and some of it was just bad luck. Amla was unlucky. Oram caught Kallis brilliantly, while AB was run out in spectacular fashion. And suddenly, South Africa is out.

I hate that this happened to them. It always seems to. It's like when one goes, so does the other. Keeping this in mind, I have a theme song for the South Africans. It's pretty parallel to the way they play cricket in a knockout stage in an international tournamen. Check it out:

The joys of colonisation

I met a friend of my sister's today and we discussed this article that I had written for Mid-Day a couple of weeks ago. He had a very interesting to point to make. England's best batsmen are South African, as is their captain. Though Strauss may hold a British passport, he is South African by birth. So here's the argument that this guy put forth: the England team's batsmen are not English, while the bowlers are from England or are South Asian.
When you go back to the evolution of cricket, the Lords and the rich were the batsmen, while the poor and the servants were the bowlers and fielders. When Douglas Jardine captained England during the Bodyline series, he was a lord, while Harold Larwood was a coal miner's son. (Larwood also spent some of his time as a night watchman somewhere after his career). The last blue blooded Briton to lead England was David Gower. Before that, you had Mike Brearly a genius captain, but crap batsman leading an Ian Botham and making his career. Also when you think back to England and its captains, barring Ray Illingworth and Bob Willis, everyone has been a batsman (Botham and Flintoff were all-rounders).
Today, it's been a reversal of sorts for England. The batsmen are not from the country, while the bowlers are Britons. Morgan is Irish, while Trott, Prior, Pietersen and Strauss are South Africans. So going by England's hierarchical system, which is still seen today, has South Africa become England's ruler?
Earlier, it was South Asia ruling England when Nasser Hussain was captain. There were players like Mark Ramprakash, Monty Pannesar, Uzman Afzal and more recently, Ravi Bopara.
So with the colonised coming and colonising England, where do the Britons stand? In their defense, we can say that if England lose now we can say they choked because most of them are South Africans and they can also add that they snatched defeat from the jaws of victory, which India and Pakistan have specialised in.

How English is the English team?

I'm happy for England. I really am. How many teams can boast of going to Australia and beating them on their home turf this decade?
Only South Africa managed to do that two years ago.
But then, when you look at it, out of the current playing XI in England, four are South Africans.
My brother came up with this theory and I think that it's a very valid point. Andrew Strauss, Kevin Pietersen, Matt Prior and Jonathan Trott, four key players in the English side are South Africans. They're not the type like Monty, who lived in England for all his life, and then got an England cap. These guys are players, who were rejected by South Africa for not being 'good enough', went to England, got citizenship and are now playing for their adopted nation.
If we go by that theory, we should take an entire lot of fast bowlers from Pakistan - given the chaotic scene in their cricketing world, give them passports and Indian citizenship and let them spearhead India's fast bowling attack. Hell it'll do wonders to us.

South African Andrew Strauss, who captains England
smiles as he looks at the reclaimed Ashes

I'm not taking anything away from England. The side has played cricket that makes me love the game even more. They have been aggressive, always at the opposition and just gone and if I were to use a word: fucked Australia in every department of the game.
My only question is how English a victory is it? Four South African players, a Zimbabwean coach, a South African great as your former bowling coach doesn't make it too English, does it? Hopefully, by the next Ashes, if someone reads this post and flames me, they would have a full-strength English side that is ready to actually beat Australia

Rankings and test cricket

A lot of people are calling it India's final frontier.
Ever since the Indian cricket team were ranked number 1 by the ICC, the expectations have obviously gone higher.
One thing that I have noticed about the present Indian side is that they are slow starters. Ever since they got the number 1 ranking, they have lost most of the first test matches of the series in the last one year. The one against Australia at Mohali was almost a loss, if it weren't for Laxman and Ishant's heroics at the end. They got rammed by South Africa last year at Ahmedabad and it was a similar case against Sri Lanka, when we toured earlier this year. The first two matches against New Zealand were boring draws, before the Nagpur match turned things around for them.
So where does this leave them in the series against South Africa?
South Africa themselves haven't been doing too great. They drew with a Pakistani team that is desperately hoping that they don't get banned from the international cricket arena; earlier in the year, they drew with an English side that seems to be getting better by the day and they drew with India in India. It's nothing to write home about, but funnily these two sides are ranked one and two by the International Cricket Council.
England on the other hand are actually playing like a number 1 side. They have been consistently good; have been playing competitive cricket and are no longer the whiners that they were. It's almost like role reversal when I see them in the Ashes today.
Cricket today is viewed in a different way. It's more about the T20, as Chris Gayle said, which is unfortunate. Thankfully, you still have packed stadiums during an England and Australia match and Indians have colonized the world, so even if India were playing Zimbabwe in a test match tomorrow, there would be a decent crowd present.
I'm looking forward to this test series. India's fast bowlers have always done well abroad. Hell, someone like Venkatesh Prasad managed a 10 wicket haul against South Africa in 1997, so it'll be no surprise (unless of course, they decide to bowl like shit) that these guys do well.
My only concern is about the batsmen. They've done well in Australia, England and NZ, but South Africa has always been a problem. Hopefully, they rectify this problem.
As for England, let's just hope that there is a time that they have a test tri series between England, India and South Africa before the rankings take a whole new turn.

The bowling partnership the world needs to see

It breaks my heart to see the West Indies play cricket the way they do today.

They have become a lot like the Pakistani side. Brilliant on a day and faulty on others. 

There is no consistency and for those who have loved and follow the game, their downfall is one of the tragedies of modern-day cricket. 

Having said that, there is one thing that makes me happy from this.

World cricket finally has a really good fast bowling partnership.

After Wasim-Waqar and Ambrose-Walsh dominated players for many years in the 90s and early 2000, it is now the turn of Steyn and Morkel to become the next pair of new ball bowling greats.

Now, the cricketing purist will crucify me for not including McGrath-Gillespie and Donald-Pollock in this list of great fast bowlers, but while McGrath and Pollock were great bowlers, they were not express. They relied on line, length, bounce and accuracy, which made them so dangerous.

Steyn and Morkel demoralized the West Indies in the first innings of the test match, but I still maintain that the best spell I saw them bowl was against Australia to Michael Hussey a couple of years ago.

It was genuinely quick shit and I had my heart in my mouth.

If you guys don't believe me, check this spell out yours

Bad players of spin? I don't think so

I see the scorecard of the West Indies-South Africa test match. On a rain-affected day, South Africa are 70/3, with all three wickets going to spinners.
South Africa has the same problem with spin like India does with pace, feel several people. But yeah, they like bringing India's problem up, because our players are a bunch of brats.
Again, I speak of test matches because that brings out the best in a player.
And I'm going to bring out the same argument that I did when I defended India when people said that they couldn't play fast bowling.
South Africa have never had a quality spinner, just like India has never had a tearaway fast bowler.
Paul Adams, Pat Symcox, Niky Boje and more recently J Botha have all played a role for South Africa in the shorter version of the game by bringing down the run rate, but in test matches, except for Adams, the others have contributed more with the bat and Botha is not a very experienced test player. I don't think that he's played a test match either.
They have had two crappy players of spin: Daryl Cullinan then and  JP Duminey today, but apart from that, the guys have done fairly well against spin even in India, as Hashim Amla so wonderfully displayed on South Africa's last tour.
A similar thing can be said about the Australians. Experts say that they suffer against quality off spin, but they have only produced great leg spinners in Bill 'O' Riley, Richie Benaud and Shane Warne. The off spinner has always been a in and out guy in their side.
But again, this is a theory. And like I've said before, theories can be cut into pieces and I can be sent to the gallows for writing this.

Team India: Post match analysis

India's loss yesterday was inevitable.
You can't blame them. They won two matches in the tournament.
One was a close call against South Africa, thanks to Suresh Raina's century.
One was a team effort. Full of skill from all the players, in the game against Afghanistan.
Two wins out of five games. That is still 40 per cent victory in the T20 world cup.
If they were writing an examination, they would have still passed.
But let's do an analysis of the players.
Raina deserves praise. Barring the game against the Australians, he has carried his IPL form to the national circuit and has performed regularly.
Rohit Sharma had one magnificent innings. If he plays more like he did when he made that 79 against a good pace attack, then India have something to cheer about for its middle order in the future.
Yuvraj is a cunt. Always has been and will never change.
Dhoni just won the IPL. He needs to lose something now. This was the best thing he could lose. And yeah, he had two bowlers bowling like a pair of twats and a batsman who is a twat.
But these are all excuses.
A more astute analysis was given to me by my brother in an email he sent today: India can't play fast bowling. it apparently can't play any bowling or even bowl for that matter. Perhaps we should stick to our unofficial national sport: pocket billiards.

What a bunch of wankers.

South Africa: the eternal chokers

Uncle J-Rod got it right again.South Africa proved that they can't perform in a big tournament. Today's loss to Pakistan has resulted in them getting out of the T20 cup.
Pakistan has a chance of surviving.
Does that mean, India has a chance as well?
Will the Indian side manage to stun Sri Lanka tomorrow?
Aakash Chopra tweeted that Sri Lanka's reliability on Mahi and Sanga could cost them the match.
At least, Sri Lanka have two people to count on.
Who on earth does India have, right now?
Dhoni's ODing as a captain. He makes Harbhajan open the bowling on a fast bowler's wicket and bowls first on a track where batting first is the smart thing to do.
Yuvraj is batting like a cunt.
Zaheer and Nehra seem out of sorts.
Vijay thinks he's playing a test match.
Dhoni is batting, but getting out at the wrong time.
So, Raina and Sharma, who have been amongst the runs, have a lot to do.
If this doesn't work, India can always join the South Africans and go on a vacation before embarking on their Zimbabwe tour