From the failed ballad to a rock concert

When India played Australia in the T20 Cup, they looked like they were going to die because of the fast bowling.
I don't blame the side. You have Dirk Nannes, Shaun Tait and Mitchell Johnson bowling at 150 k at your head, despite a helmet most modern-day cricketers would be scared.
But then came Rohit Sharma and batted like it was net practice.
He made 79 awesome runs, which Uncle J-Rod calls the Ballad of Rohit Sharma.
The ballad continued the other day against Zimbabwe.
No offence to the Zimbabweans, but if Rohit's ballad against Australia was Bridge Over Troubled Water, then the ballad against Zimbabwe was as bad as Unbreak My Heart.
India should not have lost that match. It was cuntish, overconfident  behavior that cost us the game.
However, today, Sharma changed the ballad into a sizzling rock star performance.
I call the performance Shoot To Thrill  

The King offers himself to Team India

Sir Viv has offered to train our players about the art of playing fast bowling.
It's a very generous offer by a guy, who would wallop most bowlers across the world without wearing a helmet.
But like I mentioned earlier, batsmen across the world struggle while playing quality fast bowling.
Our batsmen, barring Raina and Rohit (in that one inning) were woefully out of form in the World Cup.
They played well in the IPL because IPL is shit.
Uncle J-Rod agrees with me here. I asked him on Twitter what he thought of Mohammad Azharuddin's 'expert knowledge' on saying that they played well in the IPL, but not for the team.
(cwbfeed @jcalamur Then I would disregard all comments. Ofcourse their IPL form was better, the cricket is way shitter there.)
If Sir Viv his hired, and however cool it will be to see him in India, I don't know how he'll deal with our boys. 
Personally, our team needs someone like Saurav Ganguly or Ravi Shastri to be special consultant. 
I dislike Ganguly, but he is so full of himself, that he will bring out the best in this Indian side to show that he is a great motivator.
The same can be said about Shastri.
For the sake of Indian cricket, I honestly don't mind that

Team India: Post match analysis

India's loss yesterday was inevitable.
You can't blame them. They won two matches in the tournament.
One was a close call against South Africa, thanks to Suresh Raina's century.
One was a team effort. Full of skill from all the players, in the game against Afghanistan.
Two wins out of five games. That is still 40 per cent victory in the T20 world cup.
If they were writing an examination, they would have still passed.
But let's do an analysis of the players.
Raina deserves praise. Barring the game against the Australians, he has carried his IPL form to the national circuit and has performed regularly.
Rohit Sharma had one magnificent innings. If he plays more like he did when he made that 79 against a good pace attack, then India have something to cheer about for its middle order in the future.
Yuvraj is a cunt. Always has been and will never change.
Dhoni just won the IPL. He needs to lose something now. This was the best thing he could lose. And yeah, he had two bowlers bowling like a pair of twats and a batsman who is a twat.
But these are all excuses.
A more astute analysis was given to me by my brother in an email he sent today: India can't play fast bowling. it apparently can't play any bowling or even bowl for that matter. Perhaps we should stick to our unofficial national sport: pocket billiards.

What a bunch of wankers.

South Africa: the eternal chokers

Uncle J-Rod got it right again.South Africa proved that they can't perform in a big tournament. Today's loss to Pakistan has resulted in them getting out of the T20 cup.
Pakistan has a chance of surviving.
Does that mean, India has a chance as well?
Will the Indian side manage to stun Sri Lanka tomorrow?
Aakash Chopra tweeted that Sri Lanka's reliability on Mahi and Sanga could cost them the match.
At least, Sri Lanka have two people to count on.
Who on earth does India have, right now?
Dhoni's ODing as a captain. He makes Harbhajan open the bowling on a fast bowler's wicket and bowls first on a track where batting first is the smart thing to do.
Yuvraj is batting like a cunt.
Zaheer and Nehra seem out of sorts.
Vijay thinks he's playing a test match.
Dhoni is batting, but getting out at the wrong time.
So, Raina and Sharma, who have been amongst the runs, have a lot to do.
If this doesn't work, India can always join the South Africans and go on a vacation before embarking on their Zimbabwe tour

India vs West Indies: A preview

So India play the West Indies tonight.
Personally, I hate watching matches in the Caribbean because I have to stay awake all night.
I've watched the all-nighters, when India or Australia have toured. When other teams tour, I usually watch until I can't keep my eyes open.
But yeah, back to the topic: it is a do-or-die situation for both teams.
West Indies will rely on an all-pace attack, after watching what Australia did to India the other night.
They'll probably take Kemar Roach, although his record in T20 is shit. The West Indies as a unit, personally is shit today. It's unfortunate, but it's the truth. Yet, despite being shit, they show signs of brilliance like the did when they beat England the other day (with a bit of help from Duckworth and Lewis). But yeah, their brilliance is inconsistent and hopefully tonight, for the sake of the Indian fan and the BCCI, whose IPL franchise paid some of their players millions of dollars to play for the IPL teams, they will play like crap.
India have some problems. Barring the brilliance of Rohit Sharma, who batted like he was on LSD the other night, the others are struggling. Yuvraj Singh shouldn't be in the side; the bowlers, except for Harbhajan are out of sorts and the fielding is as good as a child representing his apartment for a cricket match.
So tonight's contest winner will technically be the one who plays less shit. There won't be any brilliance; there won't be any one-man army (unless of course Pollard decides to sodomize us with his cricket bat); there will just be two teams making fools of themselves on the field.